Saturday, August 23, 2008

Links & Jokes

Thanks to Linda, Hattie, Pat & Paul for these fun links and jokes. as follows :-
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!' Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets Go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.' Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a tax disc.
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.' 'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck. 'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman. 'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?' 'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.What are you doing round this way?' 'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a plasterer.' The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks,drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!' 'Sounds marvellous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 'Get him to give me a call.' So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job,paying really good money.' 'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?' 'At the circus,' says the barman. 'The circus?' repeats the duck. 'That's right,' replies the barman. 'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?' 'Yeah,' the barman replies. 'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?' says the duck. 'Of course,' the barman replies. 'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?' persists the duck. 'That's right!' says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says . . .
Breakfast.wmv Click on link to see dancing breakfast
Never Lie To Your Mother.

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure."So he sat down and wrote:Dear Mother:I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle; But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.Love, Brian Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read:Dear Son:I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie; But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
DavidCopperfield1.pps Spooky or What !!!!!!! Check this out for David Copperfield`s world of illusion
Look out for more fun links soon

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