Friday, April 22, 2011
Today would have been your fourteenth birthday. Its hard to believe four birthdays`s have past since you closed your eye`s forever. Above was one of the last photographs taken of you just a few short weeks before you died age 10 yrs old. Below is another taken in the September 2007 during our holiday in Greece.
You had a lovely time there swimming in the pool and the sea. Swimming was an activity which left your disability behind. The sun made your skin glow golden bronze.
I am glad we made the most of your life, visiting many places mostly just the 3 of us. You missed out on nothing. Both Aaron and I have some wonderful memories of you, visiting Lapland, Disneyland Paris ( were you met Micky Mouse & Donald Duck ), holiday`s abroad France and Greece. Also all the trips away we had in the UK. There wasn't many places you hadn't visited in our old faithfully camper van.It makes me sad we never made it to America, but the times I had planned to go you always fell ill and we couldn't take the risk of me going alone with just you and Aaron. But the plan was for us to go in the February 2008 with hopefully Linda coming with me as support, but sadly your short life ended new years Eve 2007. I was heartbroken we never made it to Florida but Francis from the hospice gave me comfort in saying I would always have had a regret as I would have had something else on my list that you would have missed out on. Yes she was right my list was never ending. We will go to Florida one day and I no you will be with us in your own way.
That Christmas both Aaron and I will never forget and is engraved on our memory`s forever. You been poorly for a couple of weeks but things took a terrible turn for the worst on the 23rd of December. At 5 am in the morning I found you unconscious mottled on one side and barely breathing. Dialling 999 the ambulance was with us in no time. They rushed you outside, I new things were bad. Taken to Shrewsbury they struggled to save your life your heart stopped beating twice in resuscitation. You had many tests that morning but your blood pressure wouldn't raise form a very low level. This was the time you received irreversible brain damage.
You were cat scanned to.
No ICU bed could be found they were ringing as far as Great Ormand Street London, eventually Alder Hey were able to offer you a bed. We rushed to Liverpool.
Here they stabilised you and Christmas Eve I came back for Aaron as he was very upset. I took pictures of you in your ICU bed to show him, taking advice from the staff at Alder hey and Hope House hospice " Aaron`s Imagination would be more troubled than seeing reality. " This was a time when Aaron aged 9 yrs old found out there wasn't a Father Christmas and miracles didn't happen.
Over the next few days things went from bad to worse and back again. Aaron and I spent most of the time alone with you people popping in here and there to try to help to wake you. Jerry, Steve and Sharon came in to see you from the Riding centre were you rode Teddy and Homer. When you saw your beloved pony Teddy it was one of the rare time we ever heard you speak you could shout HIYA TEDDY as clear as day. Sharon and her family came in a few time more offering me and Aaron some support.
Linda, Haley and Dave visited, also Hattie and Dave came from Birmingham to see you also some of my family form the Wirral.
Hope House were fantastic offering support for both of us and your Nana who was heartbroken to see her beloved Daniel fighting for life.
As the days went on you never woke up. You took a turn for the worse in the early hours. By this time Aaron and I were given a room at Ronald McDonald House. It was 3 am in the morning I woke with a start. You were in the room with us I could feel your presence. With a direct phone line in the room I phoned your bedside only to be told they were losing you again. They told me they`d ring me back. I was out of that bed dragging poor little Aaron across the road to ICU to be with you. I held your hand you kept squeezing it. The nurse said it was my imagination but it wasn't. Eventually she felt it too. This was you saying goodbye I no that now.
Again you were stabilised with drugs. But you still never woke.
Sharon your special care baby unit nurse, the angel that saved your life when you were born, came to see you. She took me aside and gentle explained how bad things were. Sharon new you were not going to wake from the coma you found yourself in.
Things were getting bad your body was dieing from the inside out. I could see it with my own eyes. As things deteriorated you were sent for a brain scan.
Kent the consultant doctor and Francis from Hope House Hospice all went into the office it was after 4pm New Years Eve. Kent could hardly speak he didn't have too. I could see from the scans myself your brain was dead all that was keeping you alive were the machines. I new I couldn't leave you to suffer the way you were. There was no way back for you.
It was agreed we needed to turn the machines off.
I have always judged people on how they could turn a machine off on someone they love. But you have to you will never understand that unless it happens to you and you see for yourself. Daniel had died to me those days before when he held my hand and squeezed my hand to say goodbye.
You fell asleep as soon as the ventilator went off, I new deep in my heart if you wanted to live you would have breathed on your own but you had had enough. It was 6pm New years Eve 2007.
I now your still with us not in the grave but around the house things happen which I can`t explain things to do with you. I am not the only one to witness the mischief you still get up to but it offers comfort to no your still around.
Happy Fourteenth birthday to a very much loved little boy. A little boy who will live in the heart`s and memories of everyone who ever met him.
Love you always from all your Family. God Bless.
( thanks for this morning Dan The Little Man, you make me smile to no your there )
Love Mummy xxxx