Saturday, March 15, 2014

18 Years Today 16th March 1996 - 2014

Today would have been your eighteenth birthday. It would have been a milestone in your life but sadly we can not share this day together. 
Your heart stopped beating four and a half hours after you were born. We were both quite poorly after such a traumatic time. We lost lots of blood after your life line to my body was severed.
After coming round after our cesarean section I was told you were a boy, in special care because you had been born a few weeks early at 36 wks. We named you Callum.

Then it all went wrong. 
I still remember holding your warm body in my arms but you had gone. Your tiny hands were warm to touch. The sadness was overwhelming. It was Mothers Day 1996 the time we spent together.
So here I am 18 years later not a day goes by when I don't think of you. I long for what could have been the life that was so cruelly taken away from you. Daffodils remind me every spring of that fateful time around you death. I can remember it all in such great detail as if it was yesterday 18 years have gone so very fast. I can remember times minute detail. I have so many Thoughts and memories that never go away.
I could never have replaced you where a person in your own right, my son, a grandson & Daniel & Aaron's lost brother.
But now you have company another with you so your not alone.
Your 18th birthday will be celebrated in your everlasting home of heaven with little Daniel by your side. I am sure heaven will be rocking especially if your brother Daniel has anything to do with it.
Daffodils bud on your grave this day that should have been a huge celebration on this earthly plain for your eighteenth birthday.
Although I never got to know you as a person I have always felt your presence around me. Once a gypsy lady stopped me she told me many things that came true she also told me I had an angel upon left should a wee spirit always with me.
Wherever you are my budding angel I want you to know we are thinking of you.
You will never be forgotten or replaced by all who loved you and still do  luv u always my angel baby.


When you died I wrote many poems here are a couple.

Letter`s from the heart were sent, 
for a child not given only lent,
although you were only a few hours old,
you touched the hearts of young and old.

You never know how I loved you so,
Our only wish was to watch you grow,
to have held your tiny hand in mine, 
to have seen your smiling face devine.

The days that pass are filled with sorrow,
our dreams of happiness seem so hollow,
what should have been such a joyous time, 
turned to heartache for a life time.

All your teddies stand alone,
in a room, freshly painted for you to come home,
but we know that will never be, 
for you have gone for eternity. 


The saddest thing you will ever see,
is a babys name in a cemetery,
be it on a marble stone,
 with lettering, thats etched in gold.
For what you see before you, 
is a child thats never lived. 
Gone before his time began
lost without such trace.
But as you stand beside and weep,
take a second thought.
For the parents that he`s left behind,
as they grieve forever more.


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