Baby Callum

Today would have been your 15Th Birthday, how time has flown. I can still remember clear as day the events on the 16Th of March 1996. The days before, the day itself and the days that followed.
At 36 wks your movements slowed, so took myself to hospital, I new something was wrong with you as you were an active baby kicking and stretching inside my swollen tummy. On the machines with relief your heart was traced it was early morning at this time, at 11am, the scanner arrived and the doctor with it. After a few minutes, I was told you were in trouble.
I was rushed into theatre, my world then went blank .
Waking up I was told you were a bouncing baby boy who we named Callum, you were 6lbs 11oz with curly blond hair. You were in the special care baby unit as being early you needed close observation.
Smiles turned to sadness a few hrs later when the doctor and nurse came to see me, you were gravely ill. Liz the SCBU nurse christened you giving, you a middle name of Matthew after the son she had lost it happened so quickly. Your life was over in 4 1/2 hrs.
Taken to special care in my bed I held your warm lifeless body in my arms. Many tests were done and it concluded placenta abruption, my placenta had torn away causing us both massive blood loss. I new why it had happened but I couldn't`t tell them why. I was scared, worried and frightened, I later told your Nana.
Mothers Day 1996 we were given a room. I Had you in a moses basket for the only Mothers Day I would have you near me. We cuddled most of the day. A few friends visited us.
I refused to let them take you away despite the pain i was in from the c section. Eventually Wendy the undertaker came. She was going to take you with her I had to let you go with her I new that. The hospital decided to let me go home only two days after the operation they new I couldn't stay there any longer.
The following 10 days I sat with you at the funeral home everyday placing things in your coffin along side you such as photographs, letters and teddy`s. I also place a pendant around your neck to which I have the other half tucked away in a box I have for you along with many other things I have kept including your clothes and blanket given to you by the hospital. For weeks I took that blanket everywhere with me. I could smell you on it, it gave me little comfort. I also spent the next 10 days talking to you.You were to be buried on the 26Th March 10 days after your birth and death.
The morning of the funeral I had to say my goodbyes as you lay in your little white coffin. This was so hard walking away that day as I new I would never see you again.
You now have company in heaven your slightly younger brother Daniel, please look after each other till the time comes when I will be with you both again. I always no your very close by. I don't thing a mother that loses a child ever fully recovers from their death.
Love and missed forever Mummy ( Mispa ) xxx