Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Daniel 7 Years On : Open Letter

It's now been 7 long years since you left us. New Years Eve will never be the same again for us. It's a time of reflection, I try so hard to think of all the good times we had in the last few years of your life, we really did have a ball with trips to Lapland, Disney land and Greece. We also ticked many things off your bucket list, concurring Mount Snowdon, you learning to cycle on your own, on the flat I need to point out, as your idea of braking, stopping didn't exist you liked fast and furious. Faster the better ! 
Suppose that was where your love of flying came from. Whilst I clung to the side of the seat or dug my nails into the unfortunate person sitting beside us, you well, screamed with delight as the plane went faster down the runway and when the turbo on the plane kicked in there was no stopping you. The smiles on you face I will remember forever. It made you so very happy.
There was so many things on your bucket list, lots ticked off but many things you never got to do. This saddened me, but then Francis from Hope House Hospice pointed out, the list would have and always would have been endless, so I would have and always would have felt this bad feeling. Aaron has achieved lots of the things I would have wanted you to do too. 
When we went swimming with the dolphins I new you where with us in spirit. When Aaron kissed the dolphin, just for you the tears flowed.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I missed you so very much. 
It was sad to hear that Homer had died as well as Teddy but I know you will be galloping in the clouds and jumping over the rainbows on your RDA ponies with Fred your dog with you too.
It been a very hard day for me today. I thought about you all day but since 4pm I found it very hard to cope. I had many flashbacks of the last few hours of your life. Thinking of the nurses crying, Kent your specialist head in his hands unable to speak. He didn't  have too I just new your body had died. You had gone, there was just the shell of your body being kept alive by machines. Kent told me the machines had to be shut down there was nothing more they could do for you. You had gone. I was terrified the thought of you struggling for life scared me to death. I also knew if you had chosen to live you would have done.
As the tubes, drips were removed with Aaron and I beside you I could hardly breath as the ventilator was shut down and removed you just passed away so peaceful. You life was over and so was your suffering. Throughout Christmas the whole nightmare was just beyond anything imaginable.
I don't think many people understand the horrors, the nightmare you went through those last few days. It's a nightmare that never leaves. 
I do remember  you more these days with such happy thoughts. I smile more these days remembering you. I hope that continues as I write a book about you and your short but wonderful life you had. Happy times and times of heartbreak. I have publishes chewing my ears off over it. I won't rush it  so it won't be in the foreseeable future somewhere in the pipeline.
Let's leave my letter to you on a high. Keeping looking down on us especially Aaron as he has an important  year ahead of him with some fantastic opportunities ahead. He is not just living his life for him he is living life for both you Dan and big brother Callum too. I hope both my precious boys in Heaven love and protect Aaron as he wanders near and far on the journeys he has ahead. Watch this space as his journey into a young man begins xx
Loved and missed forever Run Wild Run Free and try to be good till we meet again over the rainbow. It's never the end I know one day we will be together again this time for always.
Heaven` Brave Angels Daniel & Callum  xxx
Xxx  xxx 

Daniel & Aaron 

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