Monday, December 23, 2013

Chilled Out : Happy - Sad

Well this is a nice day with happy memories. Its the 23rd December 2013. We have been for a lovely swim. Angela, Aaron and I have done 20 lengths in all a big pat on the back to Angela and I. Sian came to join us a little later.
After we enjoyed a nice relaxing coffee with Lorra and Simon in the pool side cafe before heading home. Oh the wind does blow and the rain does pour leaving the ground sodden with mud. What yucky weather we are having. Well Christmas starts now in our house. We settled down with hot baked potatoes with lashings of butter, crated cheese, sweetcorn and coleslaw. They were yummy. Afterwards we made hot chocolate with fresh cream, marsh mellows and colourful sprinkles. It was delicious. Next stop was settling down to watch a film. What a day well spent. Bliss.

Pleased to have happy memories this Christmas its a contrast to how its been at other times. Six years ago this day was the start of the worst time in my life that haunts me so very much. If you offended by true life tragic events do not read on.
For Daniel  Rule the world by Take That

It is the 23rd December 2013, six years to the day, the start of the most horrific time in my life. A tragic life event that taught me just how cruel life could be. Daniel had been poorly for over two weeks. He had been in and out of hospital during this time. Doctors had seen him many time`s over the last few days. Last night I had called Shrop Doc out after being told on the phone by the sister on the children`s ward at the RSH not to bring him back into hospital as he would catch more infection to phone Shrop Doc. It was after midnight when the doctor from Shrop Doc left he had made up anti biotic in the kitchen saying that Daniel was brewing a check infection. He told me to put him to bed and get some sleep. I did just that. Daniel fell asleep and I nodded off on the settee.
5am I went to check him I hadn't  meant to sleep that long but I was absolutely shattered after being up and down over the last two weeks, Being on my own a single mum was very hard when you have a very sick little boy.
I went to Daniel`s bed side he lay with his eyes wide open mottled to one side and his breathing was shallow. Devastation filled my inside as I phoned 999 for an ambulance. I stayed calm holding my little boys cold hand. The ambulance was here very quickly and he was whisked inside. It was the I broke down. Daniel was rushed to A & E where he was taken to re suss barely alive.
I was on my own feeling so helpless as I could do nothing to help my little boys except will him to live. He went into cardiac arrest twice during the next few hours. There was nothing they could do which would raise his blood pressure. They asked if they could turn the ventilator off. I became hysterical at this point. I had fought for Daniel life before he was born he had so much to live for. He was taken for a brain scan were it was found to be ok or was it.? The damage had been done already I later found out.
A number of places were contacted to find a intensive care bed for Daniel Great Ormond Street, Birmingham and Alder Hey. Eventually a team came from Liverpool intensive care to take him. A heated exchange began between the two lots of teams as the Liverpool ITU team gave Daniel a drug which raised his blood pressure straight away. He was critical but stable. He was rushed to Liverpool by Blue Light Intensive Care Ambulance. We followed as quickly as possible. Over the next few days we had many ups and downs glimmers of hope to the devastating scan New Years Eve which showed most of Daniel`s brain had died during the time his blood pressure could not be raised.  Each year I relive this day it haunts me. Some people think it weird I write about things like this  but it helps me to off load the grief I feel. Helps me to understand. Its  each to their own if you do not like what I write then do not read it. No one will ever understand how it feels to lose a child unless you have been their lived the moment if you have not been there keep you opinions to yourself it is something you  can never understand.

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